2009 from Planet Waves

First is the newsletter stuff (weekly?), then the yearly.

Taurus (April 19-May 20)
For a while, trying to figure out how writing careers work, I read a lot of Wiki pages on authors. I began to see a pattern. Many of them were unknown nobodys until one day they were somebody really special. Before and after, they brushed their teeth and took their coffee with however many sugars. Their cat did not notice the difference (but cats are smart, so you never know). But the recognition came, often after a long, exasperating delay. Why it came when it did was often a matter that could, at least, be identified in their astrology: they had one of the five of six big transits of their lifetime. You now have such a transit developing; in fact, several of them. While you are waiting the relatively short time for this to happen, you have a little time to make up your mind about a few things, such as what is possible. Your job is not to conquer anything or make anything happen or even to get people to notice you. Rather, in my view, it is to adjust your beliefs to the point where you at least concede anything is possible, evidence of which you can find by (for example) looking at the career trajectories of people who are doing some version of what you want to do the most. While you are noticing the at times comical befores and afters, notice the core theme, which is that most of them were doing exactly what they wanted to do the most when this elusive thing known as success transformed their lives. Also notice the pattern of how incredibly insecure many of the most luminous people have been throughout the ages, and perhaps stop using this as an excuse to convince yourself of what is not possible.

OMFG.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22)
In recent years, groups and communities of various kinds have played such a diversity of roles in your life, you may not know what to think. I see them showing up as islands of hope and idealism, as blatantly deceptive, as points of crisis, as things that are designed to make you feel secure but really have the opposite effect...and about 12 more permutations on reality. A crucial one has been to focus your process of actually finding and making peace with your identity, in particular, with how different you are. You may finally be noticing matters gradually improving: that is, you are, at least, getting the hint of a clue about the nature of this odd karma around collective energy. In some ways it seems you are searching for the family you never had; families are often a substitute for the tribe or village we never had, and (at least in the United States) could not until recent years hope to reconstruct. Society is changing fast, and it is d oing so partly by necessity and partly as a consequence of humans realizing that life is not a long ride alone in an SUV. The turning point this year involves putting group or tribal energy to work for you. For too long, you have made one sacrifice after another, hoping to build, create or establish some sense of a world around you. There is only so far that an individual can go, doing this on their own. Beyond a certain point, the collective you are working to connect, create or awaken must come into its own, and there is very little that one person can do except be a focus of awareness and stay out of the way. That -- and look for the benefits that are available, and promise yourself that you'll enjoy them.

Taurus: 

"ASTROLOGY FOR TAURUS this year gives the most interesting image of simultaneous interior and exterior development. There is considerable tension between the two, because one is invisible and one is visible; one is public and one is private.
Yet there is the potential for authentic harmony and synergy. And not coincidentally, there are a lot of new experiences suddenly developing on the radar of your life, perhaps faster than you can track them. What is clear is that you're ready for them. Situations developing in your external world, for example, your professional life or your relationships, are only now catching up with an even longer series of developments in your inner life -- though those have been well concealed from the view of most others, you have surely felt the movement within yourself. 

The proof that they were developing is specifically what you are now experiencing and witnessing in your life, but you need to go deeper than needing evidence in the external world. Indeed, you would be wise to set your skepticism aside and live like you understand you are standing in the rare opportunity that it is. If your life has often felt like you had opportunities you were not ready for, or that you were ready for opportunities that were not available, raise a glass to the meeting place where preparation encounters the occasion for action. 

And action is what it's all about. If you are the kind of Taurus who prefers to make your changes incrementally, consider how that might look. That would be a conscious, steady process of development, one that could be documented, for example, in a diary with tangible events. The further you stray from such a documentable series of events in lieu of dancing around on the mental plane, the more likely you are to make your physical changes volcanically, in a way that you would normally consider against your nature. In other words, if you take action, your changes will be gentler. If you think, plan and plan of thinking, your world will pop like a zit every now and then, leaving you wondering what happened.
 
Either way, you will make unexpected progress, so make sure you plan for what you have not planned for. That's another way of saying be flexible. You may not experience that flexibility in the passive sense of merely being willing to do what's expected of you; rather, progress comes in the form of taking initiative. This will appeal to your sense of control, and it's entirely more productive than control that's based on resistance.
 
One of the most salient features of your charts relates to how you are searching inwardly for some clear sense or vision of who you are. It's as if you're looking through a pinhole and trying to align an image of yourself with your own inner eye looking back at you. At the same time, you are expressing yourself in the world in new ways, but as you do so, you're experiencing an external identity crisis that seems to dramatize what you're going through inwardly. It's an interesting dance.
 
Yes, the two processes are related, but they're not the same thing. One of them is inherently private, and the other is inherently social. By social, I mean that it's a realtime experience in the physical world rather than a primarily mental experience or inner visioning process. One is conceptual and the other is experiential. The most significant difference is that realtime experiences exist in a dynamic world of different people, generally unpredictable, and all of whom -- no matter what it may seem -- are striving, struggling or in some way succeeding at finding their role in the drama of life.
 
To coexist with others in the dynamic world, you need to engage in a process of give and take, and a process of conscious, almost nonstop experimentation. None of these things are fixed or static. As you express yourself, you change yourself and this in turn changes others who relate to you. As others express themselves, they shift their awareness and yours. The process constantly creates reality as something new. It is possible to hold onto what was, but only as a mental figment. To live in contact with others, it is necessary to be real, in the present, no matter how strange or uncomfortable it may feel at first.
 
Both Love and Work

PROFESSIONAL ASPIRATIONS may try to trump love and even sex, but I don't suggest you take that road. In the next section we'll come to your creative and work scene, which is indeed quite a scene. But it is your success, whether you think you have it or not, that is the pheromone emitter, and by success I mean your connecting to an authentic purpose. It is also your sense of doubt that is so magnetic. You are working with more power than you yet recognize, and that vaguely clueless quality you possess is extremely attractive. At the same time the energy knocking at your inner door is saying, "OK, the time has come that you consciously feel me. I am you."
 
You are making an effort. That alone is incredibly appealing. Just about everyone knows that just about everyone sits around and talks about things they might someday do. Having got over this one yourself, you know what I am talking about. You are at last realizing that words are not enough to shape your goals into reality, and that the non-accomplished commitments you have made in the past were blocking your road to achieving a higher commitment to yourself.
 
A collection of planets in two zones of your chart -- the 10th house (your professional life, found in Aquarius) and your 8th house (Sagittarius, deep surrender, commitment, the resources of others) is pushing you to be different and to seek different experiences within yourself. I recognize that there is a vast portion of the Taurus psyche that is steadfastly committed to being steadfast; a good girl or a good boy; one who is known for their reserve, conserve, preserve and for getting only what they deserve, in fact, to the penny. There is also a stuborn quality, and unmovable force, that keeps the status quo painfully appealing to you. This is like the story of the bull contemplating the Moon: it allows you to dream about the dream, and by dreaming, it leaves the world behind.
 
That is not enough. Your elegant, understated presentation is a veil over your volcanic interior. The two are constantly at odds, but these days it's getting to feel like a silk scarf thrown over Mt. Aetna. Your charts are quite literally erupting, and you are poised to make your mark on the world in a way that you never have in your life; and like few people you have ever known. You are doing this with original ideas, and that certain je ne sais quoi is coming exactly from this part of your life. The lust for expressive freedom is what is driving your lust for lust itself, and that passion wants to be set free -- just like your ideas. This is the time to move, to allow your body to surrender to the inner force bursting out, to take action, and to boldly stop dreaming about it, and just do it.
 
Your opposite sign is Scorpio, and this is the symbol of your relationships. It's not that you always need Scorpios in your life (it happens occasionally, though); this merely presents a picture. In this picture, you are accustomed to people wanting to control you, to possess you, or people insisting on some traditional form of 'commitment'. You respond in kind. It is true that most people will do anything to feel accepted, but you need a higher standard than playing a game that will in the end snuff out your creative process and your growth. Your relationships, therefore, need to feed your freedom; your ideas about freedom; and your ability to express yourself. For that letting go of the need to be cocooned and nurtured is a necessary emotional step, as the ability to surrender your power to others comes from a deep need for security. You allow yourself to be controlled in order to experience the creative release of stepping out from the grip others might have had on you.
 
Yet these experiences are not more important than relationship itself; art and work are about inner development and also about making contact with humanity, as you are offering your gifts. In other words, the idea is not to reach artistic escape velocity and go at warp speed into your private creative cosmos; nor to create a public image that eclipses your inner need for human warmth. Rather, the idea is to experience your creative process and your experiences of love and passion in a way that is mutually supportive. This is one of those razor's edges. People have so much difficulty integrating anything that we need separate record stores for jazz and blues, even though the distinction is artificial -- just like nearly all distinctions.
 
This challenging equilibrium asks for some heartfelt generosity on your part -- that is to go beyond the hunger of self-preservation and to be willing to share it all within yourself first, and with others, next. I speak of the work you offer to the world, to yourself, and to your sexual life as well. You have a way of holding back, mainly from yourself, and it's time to let go of that. This inner boundary has a starving quality to it, as if the fear of losing one part of you to the other has forced you to choose, one or the other -- a false dilemma.
 
I think that with love and sex, the key is this. You are discovering how utterly unique you are in all the world. Most people, upon making this discovery, go out of their way to cover up the simple truth. We all feel different sexually. That inner sense of difference can be terrifying, since we expect that once people catch wind, we're not going to have any friends or a job and that our family is going to put us up for adoption even at the age of 56. Furthermore, there is the corresponding idea that if people find out that you like to be fucked blindfolded down in the boiler room (or whatever your particular thing is), it's all over. But your life is pushing you to be different and to stand out and I am happy to tell you that you have no choice in the matter.
 
That, in turn, is creating some interesting twists in your relationships, and the standard to set is to surround yourself with people who respond positively and affirmatively to you as you actually are, and who support your need to be free from your old self. You, in turn, need to break the mold that says that the present has to be like the past, and that you need to conform to some particular doctrine: be it of all things heading toward marriage or some specific form of commitment or monogamy (please see Scorpio for a discussion of this); of relationships lasting a certain length of time in order to be considered valid or worth bothering with; or of needing a certain kind of person, determined a priori or otherwise having none at all.
 
Specifically involving sex, there are some interesting patterns. There is still a ball of fire spinning in your house of surrender, orgasm and death -- Sagittarius. The most visceral of these energies is curiosity. That arrives in the form of Pholus. One form this energy takes is curiosity that leads to unlikely places and ultimately unleashes a torrent of events, changes, developments and complete transformation. Small causes will lead to big effects -- but isn't that the story of sex (and of love, and of astrology)?
 
If you are in reaction to this energy, you may fear your own curiosity and do whatever you can to suppress it. This probably takes the form of a relationship, deeply connected to the past, that protects you from this urge. This is, to put it mildly, not a good idea. In the end, if you take this path, you will have even less control over how the energy expresses itself, and keep feeling the frustration that has, for so long, been your companion. (Frustration is connected to pleasure denial, to guilt, and some abortive quality in the creative sexual department.)
 
The next thing you want to watch is how family patterns repeat themselves. They do so because they are choreographed, we internalize them, and all our lives we tend to hear the drumming we heard when we were kids. In order to change these patterns, you're going to need to become a drummer -- not just a dancer. This is a reading of Quaoar in Sagittarius. You need to take an active role in setting the patterns of your relationships, and you can do so. The key thing will be discerning the difference between active and passive. I suggest you head straight for the dictionary and look up these words.
 
The passive phase of your relationships is over. It is over even if you thought you were being active during those days -- what you thought then is of little consequence now, particularly if you weren't working with all the facts. For this you will need to acknowledge some cosmic laziness, some well-built self-idealism, and address the necessity to go beyond your comfort zones, to take risks, and to make an effort to manifest yourself. It sounds like work, but at the end it is really about fun; and talking in Taurus terms, the best investment you can make at this time of your life.
 
Finally, I warmly recommend that you meditate on the idea that anyone is capable of anything. That means you, and it means everyone else. This is the true meaning of potential. It is the story of how Ixion is influencing your relationships (please see minor planet section for review of Ixion). This is an extremely complicated planet, but it is about our relationship to potential -- to all potential, for good or for ill; yours or that of someone else. The whole issue with potential is that as we develop the power to create, we also create the power to destroy. Others who influence us profoundly gain some of the same power in our lives.
 
The whole charade of predictable, highly choreographed relationships is an effort to cloak or protect against this one potential. I suggest you make friends with it, so that you can live your life fully rather than watch it go by.
 
Saturn, Chiron and Creative Passion

Saturn moving through your 5th solar house is pulling you toward the necessity of creative passion. I absolutely assure you -- you can stand in Border's Books and read astrology chapters till your fingers go numb and you won't find a 5th house Saturn interpretation vaguely resembling this. But that's the story. Saturn points to the way to what must be (good thing too, I currently have Saturn transiting my writing house and I've just written 40,000 words of horoscopes; you are reading the final few paragraphs of that project).
 
Saturn has a tendency to clear, restructure, open the way, provide a foundation, and give us the materials to build. The thing is, it may not come easy; the opportunity is there, you just have to go get it, create it, put the Craigs List posting up, and basically do the legwork. You need to devote time to working actively, steadily, a little every day and a heck of a lot some other days.
 
There will be times when your energy seems blocked. If so, go for the mental block first; identify it, then take action. You are way too accustomed to addressing the mental block and then watching the world, hoping action takes you.
 
I began with a discussion of your 10th house, though I didn't exactly call it that (I also slipped in the 12th house, Aries, but didn't say that either). The 10th is your house of expression in the outer world; your career; your calling in life; your achievements. Most people ignore this house. You have a lot of Centaur action in this house now, specifically Chiron and Nessus. You feel the potential for success, for failure, for fucking up the lives/careers of others, for your past failures to come back to you, for the rewards of good honest work and, as well, for miracles to happen. Chiron mainly works through things that seem like discomfort, and we work to get solid and stable. It's said by herbalists that if you want a strong herb, grow it in soil that's not quite right. The plant will compensate by becoming stronger, more potent and therefore more useful. This is you.
 
If you feel like you don't quite fit in professionally, but you're doing or actively attempting to do what you really want to do -- you are in the right place. You never want to be chummy chummy in your career; you always need to be on the edge, a little controversial or a lot, having the right friends and pissing off the right jerks. Tell the truth and let people deal with it. Taurus is the sign of the voice. Use yours, and remember that you are only as good as your word.
 
In this whole exciting process, you have to count your failures as successes. For this exercise, Chiron will reward you lavishly. Look at how your supposed failures reveal, first, that you honestly tried; and second, what you need to do -- and then do it. Use the clues you got to build strength, awareness, and to strive for your freedom. Take these experiences, analyze them and move on to the next thing quickly. Chiron also rewards you for documenting your progress, your work, your ideas and your achievements: Chiron rewards documentation. Keep track of what you're doing, keep track of your history, keep your portfolio and your website and your résumé impeccable.
 
That is the story, Taurus. I am going to leave out a lengthy discussion of money in honor of yours being the money sign. You're a Taurus. Forget this struggle. Do what you want and need to do, and you will thrive. I recognize that there are many Taureans with money issues; your particular money house is, after all, Gemini -- the sign of opposites, so we can surmise that there are two distinct sides to that coin. But any astrologer still in business will tell you that no Taurus needs to struggle financially, and this is from experience and not from books. This being said, I'll leave you with a clue. There is a valve up in your house of other people's resources, and it's under so much pressure it's about to blow open. This translates to: business loans, investment dollars, grants, gifts and perhaps inheritances.
 
Before you get involved with someone, check them out carefully. The right investor will change your life -- and so will the wrong one. Good luck, ask questions and listen to the answers.