Astro-Barry

Venus Direct. This was interesting...

Perhaps you weren't sure why you weren't sure, only that you weren't.

You harbored vague suspicions something wasn't quite right. Triggered by phantom attractions to captivating new creatures, or recurrences of loves from days gone by. A surprising inability to trust that ordinarily-foolproof 'inner voice': Was she speaking from truth, or fear? wishfulness, or brute reality? the present, or the past?

So you questioned. That's what we do when we're unsure. We pose various hypothetical scenarios to ourselves, in private contemplation or to trusted friends (and therapists). What would we do if this happened… if that changed… if we tried a little bit more of this, and a whole lot less of that? But still, clear answers can be hard to come by.

You might have considered calling the whole thing off, in an attempt to alleviate the tension of being so split-minded. Maybe you actually did call it quits, replacing what didn't appear to be working with 'the next big thing' (only to be quietly labeled a 'relationship hopper') or, even more scarily, with that vast mat of detaching solitude otherwise known as loneliness (it may lack a marketable gimmick, but it serves its purposes, too).

Or did you realize the near-sighted error of your itchy thinking (more a problem of your own resistance to hanging in or pushing harder than anything wrong with the other person, it seems) and recommit to putting your whole self into the coupling? You get what you give, as they say… and it all could've been more an instance of not giving enough, rather than a legitimate litany of everything you weren't getting.

But something changed, didn't it? It may not have spawned huge ripples of externally shifting events, merely inner evolution. Then again, maybe it did—the newly romantic gestures or their sudden absence, the phone calls antsily anticipated or just no longer returned, doors opened wide or slammed shut, locks changed.

The journey, however frivolously roundabout or chaotically disorienting it may've been, led you on a path through options. 'See,' you reminded yourself, 'it doesn't have to be this way. It's my choice to participate in this manner, or that, or none at all. I am free to follow my heart after all.'

Who did you love… and who do you love now? How exactly do you love?

You knew these answers before, of course. They are as intrinsic to your being as the recognition of when to eat or sleep. You simply needed a reminder, one which can only come from a flip of perspectives. We've got to get outside ourselves to get back in.

And now you're back, where it always starts from—your heart's desire. 'Welcome home!' it exclaims, embracing you with its warm tingles. So profoundly obvious, it needs no rational explanation.

I can't say this relates to me much, but it was downright poetic.

Anyhoo, this week's horoscopes:

What you require to take good care of yourself is rather straightforward… and you, Taurus, are a rather straightforward person. So if you're opting not to embrace the clear black-and-white-ness of listening to your own needs, then something—or someone—is getting in your way. Do you feel ashamed for needing what you need?

Yes, always, especially if it's not easy to get or requires someone else to give it to me.

Oftentimes, we internalize messages that our individual necessities are somehow frivolous… perhaps because someone close to us (now or long ago) doesn't have a similar need, or because we're so accustomed (for familial reasons, probably) to sharing the limited resources 'fairly' (as if such a method exists) that we don't expect to get much. But now that you're an adult, and a crafty one at that, you don't have to settle for obeying others' dictates or going without, just because there are others in the world who aren't as lucky. And chances are, in the real-time present moment, there's probably another person who's showing up to help illustrate this lesson of sticking up for your own safety and security, with their own grabby hands or scornful judgments on how you're going about it. (If it's not an actual interpersonal dynamic, then it could also be the manner in which you're viewing somebody else—with envy or judgment of your own.) You may actually have to ignore this one especially overbearing individual and/or refuse to waver on seeking to satisfy your non-negotiables… though, please be forewarned, they might resist your brush-off. By all means, don't let 'em pressure you into some lengthy exchange in which they try convincing you that they know better about what's good for you. Remember? It's straightforward, not unnecessarily complicated. If you give in now, the bullying will only worsen later.

Uh...I'm confused.

Right as I'm about to launch into, yes, another Scorpio horoscope warning about the heightened possibility of conflict… I urge you to hear me out. It's hard not to come to such a conclusion, when glancing at the planetary outlook and discovering your two ruling planets Mars and Pluto in opposition to each other. But rather than continue by attempting to soothe your Scorpionic spirit with paltry appeals to 'tone it down' or 'watch your words' (so as not to injure all those poor defenseless creatures out there), let me offer a different approach in light of the current situation. How about: The conflict is wholly inside you. To be more specific, the reason that a certain person is driving you so friggin' crazy right now—and perhaps tempting you to tell 'em off, in a way only a Scorpio could—is because you are ambivalent about just how involved you want to be. (This could be a romantic and/or sexual dynamic, a familial one, or some touchy financial entanglement.)

Familial, definitely.

That is, you eagerly want to dive right in up to your ears (is there any other way?)… on some level. And yet, you fear (rightfully perhaps) what you will have to give up to get as deep as you desire. So, in the magnificently human move to entertain contradictory intentions at the same time, you're going to (consciously or not) try to go all the way into it with them and still keep a large chunk of the pie for yourself. In that frantic dance, of course, it's far too easy to lose sight that this is what you're doing and instead externalize the dialogue—claiming not to want what you want and then continuing to pursue it, blaming the other person for trying to take something from you when they probably aren't, knocking them down a peg or two so you're in a better position to pick and choose how it's going to go. (The potential permutations go on and on.) Obviously, Scorpio, you can see how conflict is liable to erupt. But remember this: You ultimately can't have it both ways, at least not without constant maneuvering and a big headache for all parties. You're either in and intertwined, or out and in complete control.

Ugh.