Done to song tunes.
aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
No, auld acquaintance be called up,
It's ex-booty time!
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
They'll spoon you when you're sleeping,
They'll screw when you're awake.
They'll spank you just because you're good,
So be good for sex's sake!
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
City sidewalks, busy sidewalks,
Dressed in holiday style.
In the air,
There's a feeling,
of Dionysus.
People laughing,
Strangers passing,
Meeting stare after stare.
And on ev'ry street corner you'll hear,
"Hey, hot-stuff!" "Hey, hot-stuff!"
"I want to lick your big booty."
"You're a doll," hear them call,
Soon it will be Christmas lay.
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Chestnuts roasting on a George Forman
The boss doing coke up his nose
Vicious rumors being spread by doormen
And folks dressed up like trashy ho's.
Everybody knows a Trojan and some Astroglide
Help to make the office party bright
Buzzed Cancers with their flies open wide
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
Ding dong ding dong,
You can't go wrong,
With a dildo,
You big phat ho.
capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
O Capricorn, O Capricorn,
Thy quiet charm is just like porn!
aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
You're a mean one, Aquarius
You really are a heel,
You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Aquarius,
If you can't make your mind up then go play the field!
You're a monster, Aquarius,
Your heart's an empty hole,
Your loins are full of indecision, you have anti-commitment powder in your soul, Aquarius,
You wouldn't touch a relationship with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!
You're a rotter, Aquarius,
You're the king of breaking hearts,
Spare a thought for the splotched tomatoes you leave behind you, Aquarius,
Don't be a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!
Aquarian is my favorite, of course. God, ain't that the truth.
