Full moon crazy
I am feeling it: I have a situation coming up tonight that I am absolutely dreading. (Oddly enough, it has nothing to do with the other drama going on.) I did something shitty to a person months ago and I will be forced to see and talk to them tonight. I don't wanna.
I'm not proud of what I did, but man, there was no way I could have a conversation with the person about why I was doing that. They were setting off all kinds of "Oh SHIT, I've been in this situation many times before and I canNOT go through it again," issues in my head, and having conversations with similar people in the similar situation only led to badness in the past. It seemed better to be mean immediately rather than to drag it out with me TRYING to be nice about being mean. Ugh. I loathe being put into that position. Especially since I am still stuck having to deal with this person and no matter what I did, it was going to be bad because of that.
I don't know why I haven't "faked sick" or "oh, I forgot I have another meeting" to get out of this yet.
God, I hope I don't end up feeling compelled to say horrible things to people tonight. I truly do NOT want to have this situation out in the open for discussion.
I'm not proud of what I did, but man, there was no way I could have a conversation with the person about why I was doing that. They were setting off all kinds of "Oh SHIT, I've been in this situation many times before and I canNOT go through it again," issues in my head, and having conversations with similar people in the similar situation only led to badness in the past. It seemed better to be mean immediately rather than to drag it out with me TRYING to be nice about being mean. Ugh. I loathe being put into that position. Especially since I am still stuck having to deal with this person and no matter what I did, it was going to be bad because of that.
I don't know why I haven't "faked sick" or "oh, I forgot I have another meeting" to get out of this yet.
God, I hope I don't end up feeling compelled to say horrible things to people tonight. I truly do NOT want to have this situation out in the open for discussion.
