Happy fucking Mother's Day

My mom's birthday is today...and always on or around Mother's Day. Every year she throws a "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms, PROVE YOUR LOVE TO ME RIGHT NOW AND GIVE ME A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS DAY" ginormous fit on Mother's Day.

She already threw this fit all morning on Friday when my aunt didn't bother to call her back all day about her birthday. I am so not looking forward to tomorrow. I bought her a lot of jewelry and one hand made gift (and sent a cookie bouquet earlier in the week, which she loved), but is that enough to fend off the WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH storm? Hah, nothing is enough for that.

It isn't comforting to read the astrology of this Mother's Day.

I face a similar quandry with my own mom. If I asked her, I’d likely get the stock mother’s answer “You don’t need to get me anything.” This is a lie, of course, for all the reasons we know are true, not the least of which is that the Moon will be in Leo tomorrow. If we don’t do something big and showy, we are likely to suffer. But what to get remains the question. What would she like?
Astrology to the rescue. Below is a list of Mother’s Day gift suggestions by sun sign. You can also try using your mother’s moon or venus in picking out a gift. Go here and pop in her birth date to find those out. You do remember your Mother’s birthday, don’t you?

Taurus–Things have been grooving for Taurus, except this weekend, with Mars moving into Leo with the moon right along with it. This will make her cranky. The biggest, most expensive, we are talking Godiva here, box chocolates you can afford are nearly mandatory. Some roses helps it all along.

Pisces–We back to mush again, so ham it up for your Pisces mom. Yes, you should get her the traditional flowers and cards. A nice arrangement means more than a bouquet (trust me) and the card should be a gushy as possible without making your stomach turn. A nice piece of jewerly wouldn’t hurt either. She prefers silver to gold, unless she has some strong Leo elements in her chart. All she wants is to be appreciated, which I’m sure she’s told you on more than one occasion.

Well, I don't have the chocolate (we will probably hit a candy store tomorrow though, so problem solved), but I sure tried the rest...