I am a failure

I'll admit it. I miss every chance handed to me because I'm not ready at that time. And then it is too late.

Here's a non-astro example: I don't drive. When I was 16, I was a spoiled brat...well, I still am (Taurus), but my parents would have bought me a car had I learned how to drive then like I should have. Talk about a missed opportunity, right? I could have had it very easy if I'd just sucked it up and drove like everyone else on the right timeline. But I'm an idiot who panics and cries and crashes, and thus I wasted it. Everyone who's tried to teach me has gotten fed up or terrified or both very fast, within 3 sessions of me behind the wheel, and now I'm pretty much out of people for practicing with unless I pay them. (And since a paid instructor is what screwed me up in the first place, I really don't feel like giving another one a chance. Though to be fair, even if I paid someone, I'd still need a free volunteer for more practice after the sessions were over.)

Even if now, today, I decided really and for truly I WILL DRIVE GODDAMMIT, I am pretty well out of support from others in order to do it. I scared the shit out of everyone who wanted to help me, and they had enough. And you can't do it alone, argh. Total wasted opportunity. I wasn't ready to drive when the window of support was open, and now it's shut and I probably will never manage at this point.

This is why I tell everyone with kids to teach their kids from the age of 8 or 12 or something. They really need to ALREADY KNOW HOW to drive BEFORE the official lessons start. My parents insisted on Being Legal and we have all lived to regret that choice.

This comment is sadly me:

Ever see a person who failed their first Saturn Return and were unable to transition into adult responsibilities? Someone who missed the point of the individuation and spiritualization process of the midlife set of transits? Ever see someone who has missed the point of the Chiron return at 51 or the second Saturn return at 59? All these are psychological and spiritual growth experiences. There is just something empty about these people, failed potential, lost opportunities.

I am empty and a failure. Whee. I still can't figure out adulthood. I didn't get my shit together. I was too busy dealing with Dad-dying stuff to grab life by the scruff of the neck and make it do what I like at the right age and time. Now that I have the time, I can't get myself to move on it for shit. Or to even figure out step A. Step A, of course, is driving, because you can't do anything in the world (outside of my town anyway, which is one of the few places in America where a non-driver can exist and survive on their own) without a car and driving it a LOT.

*sigh*