The freedom vs. couplehood debate, yet again

Elsa attempts a consultation on a really hard problem. Freedom vs. commitment again...

I have quite the history of getting into a relationship, things going well for a while, then I become somewhat bored and eventually become intrigued by someone new. I guess the boredom sort of builds up and then the new interest happens very quickly, catching my partner totally off guard.I used to have problems with cheating - now I just break up really quickly with the first person so I can be with the second w/o technically cheating.I know I have strong tendencies towards interest in the new and different romantically, but the problem is I also find great pleasure in the stability and comfort of having a steady partnership. The in between thing hasn’t worked either - greater distance, not seeing each other as much, just makes me dissatisfied at the lack of intense and regular interaction and wanting to find something more substantial. I seem to want intense depth and yet novelty as well, or something like that. I don’t know if it’s a matter of not meeting someone compatible enough, or if I’d do this no matter what, always wanting something more/different - likely the latter, I think.

On the Venus in Aqu./Uranus front, I agree that I will always have these tendencies for sudden attractions and it can be instead about whether or not to act on them - however, it also can (& does) mean a simultaneous sudden turning off of my feelings towards the current partner. It’s pretty much textbook Venus/Uranus. I don’t know what to do with that at all. It’s like something besides my personal will decides that it’s just time for this relationship to be over…and even if I want otherwise, my feelings are gone. Not my feelings towards them as a friend, but romantic ones.

And she doesn't want to do polyamory at all, which really screws the pooch here, I think. (Really, I have some of the aspects she cites as meaning "I want all the attention!" and "Mine!", she has more Jupiter/Sadge than I do, and I could handle it.) But you can't deal with someone who is absolutely no on the idea, so never mind.

First, the level of freedom you want and need and require is off the charts just with the stellium in Sagittarius alone. The Saturn trine suggests you have the capacity to reign this in but I am not sure this (restriction) is what would make you happiest. Taking responsibility for your Wild Horse-ness is probably a better tack.

So to apply this knowledge you can look at the fact that you will cheat but you won’t tolerate an open relationship where the other person can “cheat” and that’s a vivid manifestation of the inflation right there.

I think you can have both these things to an extent. The problem for you is the word, “extent”. With a chart like this you just don’t want to suffer any restriction or tie down of any kind. In short you want it all which is just not available to any of us for any length of time.

We don’t really know what would happen if you can contain your impulse to split because you have never experimented with this. Franky, I’d say that you  have lacked the maturity but the Saturn transit is here to fix that. You’ve been humbled now (by despair) so you are ready to try something new.

I don’t think you will ever get rid of your freedom urges but you can come to realize that acting on them brings you pain. You could compare this to alcoholism or even my love of ice cream. I will always like ice cream but if I eat it, I am going to crash. So what you become here, is the hero in your own story. The person who had a fatal flaw but opted out.

I attempted to post comments, but that seems to be having issues. So here's my thoughts:

(a) She rules out polyamory, but one option would be to find a partner who wants to be monogamous to her, but is okay with her dating others. I know of a few folks in real life who are like this and they are probably hard to find, but it could happen. It sounds like her problem is that she won't share, but if she finds a guy who doesn't want to worry about juggling girlfriends, or wants a happy girlfriend who won't dump him when her attention span goes, or is secure enough to not worry about this stuff too much, he could be guy #1 and then she could rotate in her other guys.

This, however, does not really account for her lack of interest in guy #1 as soon as guy #2 comes about, though. I would not argue with Elsa about trying to stick with guy #1 and not immediately hop to guy #2 for a change and see if she can handle it, but if that doesn't work, maybe she should just...

(b) Accept that she is only going to have short-term partnerships. Jupiter on the descendant means she will have tons and tons of prospects and luck in finding them over the years. Maybe what she needs to do is warn the guys up front that she's only gonna be in the relationship for a short period of time and that's all she can handle. And date guys who feel similarly. Because god knows you won't run out of those people :P This doesn't really account for getting older and wanting to "settle down," but that's probably where "just pick a guy and stick with him and don't leave when your brain has moved on" would come in anyway.