This week's AstroBarry

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "This week is the preliminary kick-off to a time you've been patiently(?) awaiting for a good couple months or so, Taurus. You're due to emerge from this badly-needed holding pattern, in which things seemed more like they happened to you rather than you having made much of anything happen. But that's all about to change, starting at the end of the week… with the dual-events of (1) Mercury returning to direct motion in your sign and (2) Mars moving into Taurus. In other words, as the overall pace of collective life in general begins to slow down to reasonable levels, the crazed individuals all around you will finally get the chance to notice you've been (quietly?) sitting on some rather insightful realizations, holding off on sharing until you were more secure in 'em (and they got all that impulsive bullshit out of their systems). Feel free to put your notions into motion again, with the knowledge that, by the time Venus (your ruling goddess) lands in Taurus at the end of next week, you'll already be seeing some results. And from June 6 to June 13, all three personal planets—Mercury, Venus and Mars—will be in Taurus country. Oh, yeah! At last, the vibe that'll be permeating every last inch of our immediate existence will be right up your alley. Why not emit an early self-satisfying chuckle now, giddy from the awareness that soon it'll be other people's turn to feel totally out of their element… and your turn to rule the roost?"

Hm, yeah...I'll be waiting for the end of the week for that, but won't be holding my breath.