Whining about my 7th house sun

So I'm taking Elsa's beginner astrology class, and I figured I'd mention a few of the posts I did over there.

The point of the class is to talk about Suns and Sun house placements ONLY. (I feel like I have every limb but like, one big toe tied behind my back not to go advanced on this. We have a lot of advanced folk taking the class because Elsa is cool, but we're getting told not to go into much beyond that.) One of the points made somewhere was that where your sun is is where you are supposed to SHINE and if you don't, it's a big ol' problem.

So, here was my total whining about it:

I have a question regarding this quote about not letting your Sun shine = massive dysfunction: what about the 7th? The entire problem is that I don't have control over whether or not I get a partner and the sun gets to shine. Yeah, I could and should force myself to online date (though at this point I'd rather pine alone or shoot myself than do it, I feel sick to my stomach every time I look at the ads, they're all terrible!) because I have no other options for meeting people at this age short of lightning striking. But even if I meet someone and there's mutual liking, I can't control how long someone wants to stay with me and I don't have any power over that. All my power is gone because someone else has to hand it to me.

I hate being astrologically codependent. I hate it SO much. 

See, it's totally frustrating. I have to have someone else's wind beneath my wings before I can fly? WTF? I can't make my own wind? I have to sit on the ground for years waiting for someone to come along and decide that they wanna inflate me? Grrrrr. That is just SO disempowering. It's what pisses me off about that placement, that you are NOT ALLOWED to go it alone and like it or function independently. (Says the Aries South Node.)

Someone asked me about projection issues and here's what I came up with. I'm actually fairly amazed at my insight on this. Not so much that I project onto actual people...

I am pretty much only satisfied with a partner, but on the other hand, DRAMA comes along with partners. They have problems with what I do and they tell me and I get upset and can't ever manage to "fix it" to their satisfaction, I have problems with what they do and don't tell them because I can't bear for the relationship to end, eventually they get sick of me and dump me... Partnership really isn't a cure-all or something that "fixes" me, but I think when you have personal planets on the descendant, you're going to be inclined to think that this will be the cure-all even when your rational mind knows better. I think that's my projection, that I can't be happy alone and it's better to be with a loser than to be alone, even though my rational mind learned that isn't true the hard way :P My mom has moon in 7th and I got raised this way as well.

So as far as I'm concerned, the projection thing kind of happens even without an actual person to project onto. Now, you might have to tie my Sun conjunct Chiron into it, i.e. Chiron is where you are broken and I just feel broken in general, and maybe those without it don't feel that way. But on some level, EVEN THOUGH I MENTALLY KNOW BETTER BY NOW, and learned that the hard way, my hormones/limbic brain/id/what have you is darned convinced that "get a man and it fixes everything." (Michael Lutin seems to think this if you read SunShines, which makes me wonder what the hell his node placement is. He very specifically says that your personal issues of self-hatred go away if you have some other person around to interrupt the self-hate chanting you do when alone.) And in real life practice, no it doesn't. Hell, that causes even more problems!

Anyway, the answer to the question of "is my Sun shiny" is nope, no it is not.